Several weeks ago I shared that I was the subject of a photojournalism students senior project. Here is the final project. I think Colleen did a great job.
www.colleenmcdevitt.blogspot.com
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Sunday, April 12, 2009
I'm Back...
The past few weeks have been very busy. My mother seems to be adjusting well to staying in my home. I am certain she would rather be in her own home, but she seems to understand that isn't a good idea right now. I could start another blog about what it is like when a parent moves into your house and the roles switch. I won't out of respect for my mother and I will try to avoid that here. I try to keep this space focused on living with the death of a loved one. I will say that I still don't like to come home and find someone waiting up for me!
It was a little odd to move out of my bedroom. This is the room that David and I always shared and it is where he died. I am now sleeping in a bed he never saw, in a room that has been repainted since his death. My old bathroom still has some of his things in it. The basement bathroom has had a shower added and has only my things in it. It wasn't a hard transition to make, but my understanding of what is hard in life is shaped by the previous years. Changing rooms is really no big deal compared to some of the other things in life. However, I like the basement. It is quiet and I feel like I have the entire floor to myself.
Many friends have checked in with me to see how I am faring, since they know how difficult the Advent/Christmas season was for me. Lent, Holy Week and Easter Sunday have been pretty good. I think this is because of a multitude of reasons. First it is spring. The days are longer and warmer. It has been cold and I am still fighting allergy symptoms, but sunlight makes a huge difference in my life. Second, David often seemed to be sicker this time of year. I have planned these services on my own many times because he didn't have the energy or ability to concentrate. Last year he did preach the Easter sermon with me. I remember he wasn't able to write much of it and we talked about the possibility of him sitting on a stool rather than standing. It was the last time we preached together. One of the local paper's did a brief article about it. ( http://www.columbiamissourian.com/stories/2008/03/21/pastor-and-wife-share-sermon-sunday ) Also, Holy Week has been busier than usual. I had several additions to my schedule, including two funerals. I was too busy to dwell on my own grief. While there have been times when it wouldn't have mattered how busy I was, I am now in a place where I don't mind putting my energy somewhere else. Since I was sick a few weeks, then took a week to travel to NC, came back and added my mother to my household and then moved into Holy Week there hasn't been too much time to sit around and feel. I have also had many extra pastoral care responsibilities and have found it challenging to make time for them. With four weddings in May I am having to work in a lot of premarital counseling visits into my schedule.
I filled six Easter baskets last night. I started with a plan for the usual three, but then thought to check with Alex to see if Lisa was going to be in town. As I was shopping, I thought it might be fun to put together a basket for my mother. Then later thought that she might think I was treating her like one of the kids, so I made one for myself. Sure- it had things I was already buying for myself like contact lens solution, a DVD I had recently bought, and lots of candy (that I had gotten for myself anyway- LOVE Easter candy!) but I know that there are times when she feels like I group her in with my children. Still I wanted her to feel included- so that meant including myself. As I looked at the filled baskets and the many bags of candy, office supplies, and toys to be stuffed into eggs I thought, "Looks like someone is trying to make up for something or someone that is missing this Easter!"
As usual Easter Sunday began early for our family. We had breakfast and went to church. We have never done any family oriented activities until after worship. This was something I chose to do when Alex was little before going into ministry. I was a church pianist and always had added responsibilities on Easter. The last thing I needed was a child who did not want to leave an Easter basket at home to go to church. It also helps our family to keep perspective about why we celebrate the day. After a Christ centered worship service, then visits from a bunny, candy and eggs are fine. Yet they are never the focus.
After church we all joined my friend Laura and her daughter at a restaurant for lunch. Alex and Lisa left before the rest of us and went to my house to fill and hide eggs. Our eggs had the usual candy, but also hair elastics, fun paper clips, marbles, and various small junkie toys just to keep things interesting. The egg hunt was fun. Since the kids are older now Alex and Lisa could hide eggs in very challenging places- like up in a tree. The eggs were put in a pile and divided evenly between the three younger kids and the two college students. Then it was time for the great negotiations and exchanges. Since tastes in candy vary (which I find strange- I like most candies) and not every needs hair elastics for a ponytail, our family makes trades. Later everyone got their baskets, then I crashed. The past week I have averaged between 3-5 hours of sleep each night because of the heavier work load. I napped for almost two hours!! I probably would have slept until morning, but my sense of obligation forced me up from bed, up the steps and into family life.
We watched Sleepless in Seattle tonight. After the movie Sophia asked, "Do you hope that happens to you?" (a boy tries to help his widowed father find a new wife) I told her it would be nice to meet someone one day. She gave her usual answer, "He had better be nice!" I gave her my usual response, "I did a good job choosing your daddy!" She often asks me questions about dating. She give advice on clothing and hair if I am going out to meet friends. I think the idea is both exciting and scary for her. As for me I am in no hurry, but no longer feel the need to avoid it either. However, the reality is that I barely have time for what is on my plate now.
Easter is a season of hope and new life. Resurrection can happen in our lives in so many ways. I choose to live as fully and honestly as I possibly can. I value life and want to be fully alive. I don't deny or avoid the past, but I refuse to live there. If it is painful I want to feel the pain and then move through it. If it is joyful, I want to be able to embrace the joy and feel it. I am certain that David wanted me and the children to enjoy life as much as possible. I suspect he would be relieved that this holiday was easier for us than the others. It is a sign of progress, growth and a sign of firm belief in the many forms of resurrection.
It was a little odd to move out of my bedroom. This is the room that David and I always shared and it is where he died. I am now sleeping in a bed he never saw, in a room that has been repainted since his death. My old bathroom still has some of his things in it. The basement bathroom has had a shower added and has only my things in it. It wasn't a hard transition to make, but my understanding of what is hard in life is shaped by the previous years. Changing rooms is really no big deal compared to some of the other things in life. However, I like the basement. It is quiet and I feel like I have the entire floor to myself.
Many friends have checked in with me to see how I am faring, since they know how difficult the Advent/Christmas season was for me. Lent, Holy Week and Easter Sunday have been pretty good. I think this is because of a multitude of reasons. First it is spring. The days are longer and warmer. It has been cold and I am still fighting allergy symptoms, but sunlight makes a huge difference in my life. Second, David often seemed to be sicker this time of year. I have planned these services on my own many times because he didn't have the energy or ability to concentrate. Last year he did preach the Easter sermon with me. I remember he wasn't able to write much of it and we talked about the possibility of him sitting on a stool rather than standing. It was the last time we preached together. One of the local paper's did a brief article about it. ( http://www.columbiamissourian.com/stories/2008/03/21/pastor-and-wife-share-sermon-sunday ) Also, Holy Week has been busier than usual. I had several additions to my schedule, including two funerals. I was too busy to dwell on my own grief. While there have been times when it wouldn't have mattered how busy I was, I am now in a place where I don't mind putting my energy somewhere else. Since I was sick a few weeks, then took a week to travel to NC, came back and added my mother to my household and then moved into Holy Week there hasn't been too much time to sit around and feel. I have also had many extra pastoral care responsibilities and have found it challenging to make time for them. With four weddings in May I am having to work in a lot of premarital counseling visits into my schedule.
I filled six Easter baskets last night. I started with a plan for the usual three, but then thought to check with Alex to see if Lisa was going to be in town. As I was shopping, I thought it might be fun to put together a basket for my mother. Then later thought that she might think I was treating her like one of the kids, so I made one for myself. Sure- it had things I was already buying for myself like contact lens solution, a DVD I had recently bought, and lots of candy (that I had gotten for myself anyway- LOVE Easter candy!) but I know that there are times when she feels like I group her in with my children. Still I wanted her to feel included- so that meant including myself. As I looked at the filled baskets and the many bags of candy, office supplies, and toys to be stuffed into eggs I thought, "Looks like someone is trying to make up for something or someone that is missing this Easter!"
As usual Easter Sunday began early for our family. We had breakfast and went to church. We have never done any family oriented activities until after worship. This was something I chose to do when Alex was little before going into ministry. I was a church pianist and always had added responsibilities on Easter. The last thing I needed was a child who did not want to leave an Easter basket at home to go to church. It also helps our family to keep perspective about why we celebrate the day. After a Christ centered worship service, then visits from a bunny, candy and eggs are fine. Yet they are never the focus.
After church we all joined my friend Laura and her daughter at a restaurant for lunch. Alex and Lisa left before the rest of us and went to my house to fill and hide eggs. Our eggs had the usual candy, but also hair elastics, fun paper clips, marbles, and various small junkie toys just to keep things interesting. The egg hunt was fun. Since the kids are older now Alex and Lisa could hide eggs in very challenging places- like up in a tree. The eggs were put in a pile and divided evenly between the three younger kids and the two college students. Then it was time for the great negotiations and exchanges. Since tastes in candy vary (which I find strange- I like most candies) and not every needs hair elastics for a ponytail, our family makes trades. Later everyone got their baskets, then I crashed. The past week I have averaged between 3-5 hours of sleep each night because of the heavier work load. I napped for almost two hours!! I probably would have slept until morning, but my sense of obligation forced me up from bed, up the steps and into family life.
We watched Sleepless in Seattle tonight. After the movie Sophia asked, "Do you hope that happens to you?" (a boy tries to help his widowed father find a new wife) I told her it would be nice to meet someone one day. She gave her usual answer, "He had better be nice!" I gave her my usual response, "I did a good job choosing your daddy!" She often asks me questions about dating. She give advice on clothing and hair if I am going out to meet friends. I think the idea is both exciting and scary for her. As for me I am in no hurry, but no longer feel the need to avoid it either. However, the reality is that I barely have time for what is on my plate now.
Easter is a season of hope and new life. Resurrection can happen in our lives in so many ways. I choose to live as fully and honestly as I possibly can. I value life and want to be fully alive. I don't deny or avoid the past, but I refuse to live there. If it is painful I want to feel the pain and then move through it. If it is joyful, I want to be able to embrace the joy and feel it. I am certain that David wanted me and the children to enjoy life as much as possible. I suspect he would be relieved that this holiday was easier for us than the others. It is a sign of progress, growth and a sign of firm belief in the many forms of resurrection.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
