Seeking Balance and Health

I've been sick for about a week. Nothing major, just a bad cold, or perhaps even flu since I have body aches and fever. It doesn't really matter, because treatment is pretty much the same; rest and plenty of fluids. It is hard for me to take any sickness I have seriously after living with someone with cancer for five years. It feels wimpy to give in and go to bed. So I usually keep going. It isn't that I am that stubborn or stoic. I also know that when I stop, life doesn't and that when I return I will have more to do. If I don't do the laundry then one of the kids will be out of sock or jeans. If I don't sweep the floors dog fur takes over. Whatever I skip has to be added to the already full schedule in the future. Every appointment I cancel at work will have to be rescheduled. Then there are the things I am stubborn about. I would have to be at death's door to miss a wedding, funeral, or even skip a sermon that I had prepared. Luckily I usually have sermons near ready about ten days before I preach them. They are never completely finished until they have been preached. Then there is the reality that I happen to like life and prefer living it outside of my bed.

Tonight I missed work. I didn't work all day today. I met a friend for breakfast this morning after dropping Sophia off at school. I soon realized that I was going to crash. I canceled all appointments and went home and went to bed. I didn't set an alarm because I thought I would only sleep an hour or so. I woke up at three- which is the time I am supposed to be at Judson's school. When we went to get Sophia one of the parents volunteered to take the kids home with them and then to church. I went home and went back to bed.

This is one of those times when being a single parent stinks. Last night the kids kept looking at me with the same concern the used to have when David was sick. I kept reassuring them that I was fine and would be back to normal in a few days. It made me wonder what I would do if I were ever seriously sick. I know I have many friends that would step in and help. Still, it is a disturbing thought. Exercising and eating well is so much more than trying to look good. When David was diagnosed I felt an overwhelming responsibility to be as healthy as I could possibly be so that my children would have at least one healthy parent.

There are other times I hate being a single parent. It is challenging when the kids have to be at two different places at the same time. Luckily they have the same piano instructor and are now in the same orchestra. It is hard when one of them seems to need some extra attention. I don't like having to work evenings because there is the challenge of finding a sitter or taking them with me. It is good that in my line of work it is often expected that I bring my children to work! I have an out of town meeting this weekend. Alex will come and stay with the kids. It is only two hours away, but it is the first one I've gone to since David's death. Eventually I will have to figure out how to do conferences that are out of state and involve several days.

In about two weeks my mother will be coming to stay with us for a few months. That will bring some help and some challenges. She needs some help with day to day care. However, I will have another adult in the house. With time I will learn better ways to balance it all.